Ellen Rauenzahn

The brainstem contains the foundation for all other functions in the brain and body. It takes care of everything our bodies do on autopilot, from breathing and heart rate to physiological stress responses and sleep patterns. When it has experienced trauma, the brainstem learns that it must keep the mind and body on high alert.

In the Western world, it’s common to talk about the mind and the body as though they are separate beings. Some even think of the mind as “driving” the body, as though the body is an inanimate object, energized by a spark of consciousness that lives somewhere up above the neck. More and more, however, research is showing us what some spiritual traditions have long understood: this separation is an illusion.

Have you ever heard of the “good enough” parent? It’s a concept that comes out of Donald Winnicott’s work on child development in the 1950s. The idea is, small failures to meet our children’s every need are actually important moments of growth in our children’s development, giving them opportunities to learn emotional regulation, self-soothing, and delayed gratification. Perpetual attunement to a child’s needs is not just unreasonable, it’s actually unhelpful.